Talking to myself

It sure has beea month of emotions from ... high to low... and everywhere in between. I have my preliminary diagnosis from my neurosurgeon. Chiari Malformation (knew that one), retroflexed odontoid with pannus, low lying spional cord conus, ehlers danlos unspecified, right sided anterior spinal stenosis with impingment into the spinal cord. Those are the ones I know for sure. All this from one MRI and medical history. The radiologist read the mri and said mild degenerative disk disease and mild compression. Thank God for my neurosurgon for knowing what he is looking at. When I got the mri disk I could not believe my eyes at what I saw too. Any one can look at it and say WTF??? Because of a uneducated radiologist my pcp thinks it is ok. So now my neurosurgeon is going to call her and set her straight. He is the surgeon that has saved my sons life in many situations with his chiari and related disorders. Here is the picture of my mri just so you can see what I am tlaking about. I should try to edit it to show arrows to what I am talking about cant do that type of thing on this computer.

The first surgery is to repair the spinal cord impingment at C5-6-7 He will go through the front of my neck to do it and then fuse with a metal plate in the front of my spine. Once that has healed I will then go back to have the Chiari addressed. That is a posterior fossa decompression with lamenectomy of C1-C3 and duraplasty. He is not sure if he can do anything with the odontoid situation. The odontoid is causing brain stem compression. That is causing me to have the drop attacks and the caughing and breathing issues. I have a hard collor that I am to wear when I am out and about like shopping or driving or riding in a car. It is not confortable at all. But it may save my life If I fall again. I n ow start my insurance hell. I will fight because it will save my life. I am so sick and tired of being in pain and having no brain it seems. I am having times when I have no idea what I am doing and it scares t shit out of me. The other day I was trying to make a salad and I could not remember how in the to make the dressing. I couldnt put my words together to even ask any one what I was doing. If I do not write anything down these days I totally forget it. Been in way too many arguments with family members lately as to they told me something and I do not remember it. I just want my life back. I am afraid of losing the use of my hands and arms. I cooked fried tomatoes and egg pland and zucchini the other day and I did not have enough use of my arms to pull my pants down to use the bathroom. My arms and shoulders hurt so bad I wanted to die. So I just go to bed and hope and pray no one needs me to do anything for them till it get a bit better. I am sure Nathan would understand if I told him what was going on but no one else does in my house. I have to figure out how to raise some money to get to NY and pay for the variety house while I am there and taxi fees and so on. It will happen I know this for sure I just have to work out the details. On some good news... My HbA1c was a 5.8 and my cholesterol was normal!!!!! I am officially down 60 pounds since January of this y3ear. The ViSalus worked. Still using it. Had about 2 weeks off of it because of some gi issues I was having. I could keep down carb like foods like dry crackers but anything else no way. So I ate crackers with a bit of PB and drank fluids. The shakes even made me throw that up. But I have been back on it for the past few days again now. My endo was very happy with my progress and that made me very happy too. On to my day. Hope you all have a good day in all of thie heat. Till next time <3

Monday... Morning lala lala lala....

I know it sounds like a song from the Beatles! This weekend has been ummm trying to find the words to describe it properly. .... Painful exciting all in one. Friday I went to a flea market at the fair grounds. The first time I have been at the fair grounds in 9 years since I fell and broke my back. Of course I could not wear my shoes with the orthotics because of my bum foot. I walked and walked and walked. On my feet for 3 hours straight. That may not sound like long to some but for me it is. But now I am paying for it. Saturday I tried to be in bed with my computer but spent a lot of time working on the business end of life. My neck and head started hurting really bad and my right eye started going crossed. Not a good neurological sign hu? Sunday I had a meeting at Don Pablos for our walk committees. I had to have M drive me since I don't feel safe driving right now. Diet wise yesterday sucked. I had chips and salsa and Mexican food. I did not like their food all that well but I ate it none the less. Then I also had a magri. YummOOOOO.... Soo blew it. I also made breakfast yesterday so I ended up having way too much food for the day. Friday I ordered a Italian sausage with peppers and onions. It smelled soooo good. I could not eat t bread. Bread these days does nothing for me but give me a stomachache. So I ate the meat and veggies and was sooo full. We had taco salad for lunch that was supposed to be our main meal for the day. So 2 days I really messed up. I have not weighed myself and am afraid of doing so till Wednesday. Today's plan is to drink tons of water and do my 2 shakes and 1 meal. I need to boil some eggs for my in between meal snacks. Wish me luck! On my business front..... I am working it. This is my ticket off of SSI and medicaid. I want it sooooo bad I can taste it. For the first time in years I have been able to dream and think life can be possible to enjoy instead of just exist. I want so bad to help some of my friends discover their dreams too. One of my up-line has been in this business for only a year and her husband retired this weekend. He owned a construction business. I am sooo happy for them! Can you imagine being in your early 30's and being able to retire because your business is doing so well? That is my plan indeed!!! Not to retire since in theory I am retired now hehe. I want to be able to survive and pay my bills be able to have a vacation and even that darned BMW dreams!!! I think I want to post a pic of a BMW I want and hang it on the fridge for inspiration. 2012 is my year for transformation.... Physically, Financially and Spiritually. My health, my wallet and my spirit is in the process of being renewed and I am loving it! Talk to you soon. No matter the pain I will trudge through and survive!

Sliding......

I'm sliding alright right out of my pants. I have had to wear a belt this past couple of days. I could not get my belt hooked... seriously... for ages. It's workinng just fine now. For the most part of this is I am eating several times a day and feel full all the time. Now that Mark is home at noon and will be done with his green house job by the 4th. We are doing a shake for breakfast a regular dinner at lunch and another shake at dinner time. In between I am having a boild egg mid morning. Fruit mid afternoon, hand full of almonds for crunch and tossed salad with balsalmic vinigrette I make at home. I have been trying to figure out why I am not hungry and craving chips and chocolate and cake Oh My. With the shakes I feel I am reving up my metabolism by having proper nutritian. My insuline injections are down to only 1/3rd of what I used to take. I need to keep this lifestyle up so I can get totally off of the insuline and some of my other meds. This is seriously the easiest health plan I have ever been on. 2 shakes a day, 1 sensible meal and healthy snacks in between. Wednesday is my official weigh and measure day. So I will be back then with the results of week 2!

WEEK 1 DOWN..................

chest -2", waist -4", hips -4", weight -13 lbs. I am feeling pretty good about this all. I know this first week a lot of it is water weight but I am gonna take all I can get LOL. I have cut my insuline by half and today I am going another 10% and see if that keeps me in the normal range. Will post more later. Just wanted to get th is down here.

No Hunger Pangs

I still have no hunger pangs. Been doing well as I end my 3rd day on the replacement meals. Mark brought me somr home grown tomatoes so I did have a med. sized one at lunch with my shake. He actually had 2 shakes today as well. He said they were pretty good. I made him the snickers for breakfast and banana at lunch time. SNICKERS BODY-BY-VI SHAKE RECIPE 8 oz of Unsweetened Almond Milk 1 TBS. of Sugar Free (SF) Carmel topping 1 1/2 tsp. of SF Chocolate Pudding mix 1 tsp. of Peanut Butter 2 Scoops Shake Mix ice blend in a blender till thick and enjoy! BANANA BODY-BY-VI SHAKE RECIPE 8 OZ. Unsweetned Almond Milk 1 pkt. of Banana Energy Body-By-Vi Mix ins. 2 Scoops Shake Mix ice blend in blender till thick and enjoy! Snack this morning I had 1 string cheese. We are going out with friends tonight so I will eat my meal then. I also had 4 bottles of water today too! The Challenge Party is on the 13th. Can't wait to see how much I have lost by then.

2 days down

In just 2 days I have lost 9 lbs. I really do not want to weigh myself all the time like I used to so not sure if I am going to keep up the scale whoreing lol. I am not hungry. My BG level was 78 this morning. And that is by decreasing my insuline by half last night. I think I may not take the long acting one and only do the short acting one at dinner time or when I have my meal for the day. got to go for now. bbl

Week from Hell

The week from Hell I tell ya. Letting my body stabalize is driving me and my family nuts. I will get through it. I havent cried this much in ages. Did not think there were that many tears for me to cray. Maybe my body is letting lose of its toxins LOL who knows. Sandi, Love, I know you are right I just need to ride it through. I am going to be healthier with out them meds. I started yesterday weaning off of my Lyrica as well. I know this is going to be hell but I truely feel that my body needs a rest. I will more likely add something back in in a while to replace the Lyrica but for right now I feel it is causing me more harm than good. I am strong and can handle the pain. I have been sitting outside more each day trying to get the natural God made Vit D in me. In my back yard and my front I am surounded by all of my beautiful flowers. Even the flowers on my Strawberry plants are beautiful even tho I can't enjoy the fruit because I am sharing them with the birds and rabbits and squirles... The few that we have had are very sweet and juicy. Facebook is making me sad. Every where I looked yesterday I saw Kristi's Birthday announcment. Why in the hell did she have to go? She was young and Beautiful and had a heart of gold! Her son still needs her strehgth to help him overcome some bad choices he has made. Then today I see Heather aka Spicy Mama! She was a spit fire. Just full of it and always making everyone laugh. She was again younger than myself and soo darned full of life. I could go on and on. My best friend kelli's birthday was last week. She would have turned 40. She has been gone now 7 years. OMG how I miss her laugh! We talked several times a day. I think the day she passed we talked maybe a dozen times. She would call and say I forgot to tell you something and we would laugh our butts off hang up and she would call me back. I have often wondered if she knew it was going to be her last day. Who would have known that a year to the date later Nathan was diagnossed with what she passed away from. Her persistant searching for answers helped guied me. I knew right off what Doctors not to go to. Sadly enoughh one of those Docs was the same one that operated on Kristi and she did not make it through surgery. This Doctor operated on Kelli 27 times in a 6 year time span and when I talked to him at a conference he did not remember her. I sooo wanted to kick him in the balls for that one. But I was professional and reminded him of what she looked like and said "you preformed 27 brain surgeries on her" He said Oh yes how is she doing? I haven't seen her in a while. I told him "She passed away on New Years" I turned and walked away. How could he? OK enough of the tears for now. As I am sitting here in the sun and thinking of the past 6 months and the life altering decisions I am making. Getting off of the meds, making myself healthy, tough love to my children, starting a buissiness so I can get off of ssi and medicaid/food stamps, wanting to make enough money so I can purchase private insurance and even buy a house of our own with enough room for us all. I am sometimes wondering if some of these trials I am goinng through right now is to bring m e down? I know my God would not do that to me. I also know that through the trials I come out stronger. How in the heck stronger am I supposed to be? I do believe that Satan likes to dwell inside of us from time to time wisperinng in your ear causing dought and so on. I have over come that in the past by bulking uop and fighting like hell. So that has been my decision is to Fight like there is no tomorrow. I am very proud of myself for getting off of some wicked drugs. I no longer take Vicoden, liquid oxy, xanax, cymbalta, amytriptoline and some horrible lung meds. I have started my weaning off of Lyrica as well. Once I lose some weight I hope to be off of the insuline as well. Then the Blood Pressure meds and colesterol med. I will more likely always be on the tyroid med but who knows. I h ave to lose weight so I can have the brain surgery that will hopefully stop the progression of my nerve damage and give my brain stem a brak. The weight will help the recovery and prognosis of surgery success. As well as making me healthy sexy LOL... ya see I have not lost m y humor in all of these darned tears Uggh!!!! I am very thankful to have my children and Mark here for me. I amvery blessed to have soooo many friends all over the world that is always there to tell me they love me. Today I start the shakes. I will edit this to show my numbers. I am using Almond unsweetened milk for my shakes. I will add some recipies in here as I try them out. Now I need to go water my flowers with water not tears. The Butterflies and Hummingbirds need a drink too. it is going to be a beautiful day!!!!! Just because I say so!