The week from Hell I tell ya. Letting my body stabalize is driving me and my family nuts. I will get through it. I havent cried this much in ages. Did not think there were that many tears for me to cray. Maybe my body is letting lose of its toxins LOL who knows. Sandi, Love, I know you are right I just need to ride it through. I am going to be healthier with out them meds. I started yesterday weaning off of my Lyrica as well. I know this is going to be hell but I truely feel that my body needs a rest. I will more likely add something back in in a while to replace the Lyrica but for right now I feel it is causing me more harm than good. I am strong and can handle the pain. I have been sitting outside more each day trying to get the natural God made Vit D in me. In my back yard and my front I am surounded by all of my beautiful flowers. Even the flowers on my Strawberry plants are beautiful even tho I can't enjoy the fruit because I am sharing them with the birds and rabbits and squirles... The few that we have had are very sweet and juicy.
Facebook is making me sad. Every where I looked yesterday I saw Kristi's Birthday announcment. Why in the hell did she have to go? She was young and Beautiful and had a heart of gold! Her son still needs her strehgth to help him overcome some bad choices he has made. Then today I see Heather aka Spicy Mama! She was a spit fire. Just full of it and always making everyone laugh. She was again younger than myself and soo darned full of life. I could go on and on. My best friend kelli's birthday was last week. She would have turned 40. She has been gone now 7 years. OMG how I miss her laugh! We talked several times a day. I think the day she passed we talked maybe a dozen times. She would call and say I forgot to tell you something and we would laugh our butts off hang up and she would call me back. I have often wondered if she knew it was going to be her last day. Who would have known that a year to the date later Nathan was diagnossed with what she passed away from. Her persistant searching for answers helped guied me. I knew right off what Doctors not to go to. Sadly enoughh one of those Docs was the same one that operated on Kristi and she did not make it through surgery. This Doctor operated on Kelli 27 times in a 6 year time span and when I talked to him at a conference he did not remember her. I sooo wanted to kick him in the balls for that one. But I was professional and reminded him of what she looked like and said "you preformed 27 brain surgeries on her" He said Oh yes how is she doing? I haven't seen her in a while. I told him "She passed away on New Years" I turned and walked away. How could he? OK enough of the tears for now.
As I am sitting here in the sun and thinking of the past 6 months and the life altering decisions I am making. Getting off of the meds, making myself healthy, tough love to my children, starting a buissiness so I can get off of ssi and medicaid/food stamps, wanting to make enough money so I can purchase private insurance and even buy a house of our own with enough room for us all. I am sometimes wondering if some of these trials I am goinng through right now is to bring m e down? I know my God would not do that to me. I also know that through the trials I come out stronger. How in the heck stronger am I supposed to be? I do believe that Satan likes to dwell inside of us from time to time wisperinng in your ear causing dought and so on. I have over come that in the past by bulking uop and fighting like hell. So that has been my decision is to Fight like there is no tomorrow.
I am very proud of myself for getting off of some wicked drugs. I no longer take Vicoden, liquid oxy, xanax, cymbalta, amytriptoline and some horrible lung meds. I have started my weaning off of Lyrica as well. Once I lose some weight I hope to be off of the insuline as well. Then the Blood Pressure meds and colesterol med. I will more likely always be on the tyroid med but who knows. I h ave to lose weight so I can have the brain surgery that will hopefully stop the progression of my nerve damage and give my brain stem a brak. The weight will help the recovery and prognosis of surgery success. As well as making me healthy sexy LOL... ya see I have not lost m y humor in all of these darned tears Uggh!!!! I am very thankful to have my children and Mark here for me. I amvery blessed to have soooo many friends all over the world that is always there to tell me they love me.
Today I start the shakes. I will edit this to show my numbers. I am using Almond unsweetened milk for my shakes. I will add some recipies in here as I try them out. Now I need to go water my flowers with water not tears. The Butterflies and Hummingbirds need a drink too. it is going to be a beautiful day!!!!! Just because I say so!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Week from Hell
The week from Hell I tell ya. Letting my body stabalize is driving me and my family nuts. I will get through it. I havent cried this much in ages. Did not think there were that many tears for me to cray. Maybe my body is letting lose of its toxins LOL who knows. Sandi, Love, I know you are right I just need to ride it through. I am going to be healthier with out them meds. I started yesterday weaning off of my Lyrica as well. I know this is going to be hell but I truely feel that my body needs a rest. I will more likely add something back in in a while to replace the Lyrica but for right now I feel it is causing me more harm than good. I am strong and can handle the pain. I have been sitting outside more each day trying to get the natural God made Vit D in me. In my back yard and my front I am surounded by all of my beautiful flowers. Even the flowers on my Strawberry plants are beautiful even tho I can't enjoy the fruit because I am sharing them with the birds and rabbits and squirles... The few that we have had are very sweet and juicy.
Facebook is making me sad. Every where I looked yesterday I saw Kristi's Birthday announcment. Why in the hell did she have to go? She was young and Beautiful and had a heart of gold! Her son still needs her strehgth to help him overcome some bad choices he has made. Then today I see Heather aka Spicy Mama! She was a spit fire. Just full of it and always making everyone laugh. She was again younger than myself and soo darned full of life. I could go on and on. My best friend kelli's birthday was last week. She would have turned 40. She has been gone now 7 years. OMG how I miss her laugh! We talked several times a day. I think the day she passed we talked maybe a dozen times. She would call and say I forgot to tell you something and we would laugh our butts off hang up and she would call me back. I have often wondered if she knew it was going to be her last day. Who would have known that a year to the date later Nathan was diagnossed with what she passed away from. Her persistant searching for answers helped guied me. I knew right off what Doctors not to go to. Sadly enoughh one of those Docs was the same one that operated on Kristi and she did not make it through surgery. This Doctor operated on Kelli 27 times in a 6 year time span and when I talked to him at a conference he did not remember her. I sooo wanted to kick him in the balls for that one. But I was professional and reminded him of what she looked like and said "you preformed 27 brain surgeries on her" He said Oh yes how is she doing? I haven't seen her in a while. I told him "She passed away on New Years" I turned and walked away. How could he? OK enough of the tears for now.
As I am sitting here in the sun and thinking of the past 6 months and the life altering decisions I am making. Getting off of the meds, making myself healthy, tough love to my children, starting a buissiness so I can get off of ssi and medicaid/food stamps, wanting to make enough money so I can purchase private insurance and even buy a house of our own with enough room for us all. I am sometimes wondering if some of these trials I am goinng through right now is to bring m e down? I know my God would not do that to me. I also know that through the trials I come out stronger. How in the heck stronger am I supposed to be? I do believe that Satan likes to dwell inside of us from time to time wisperinng in your ear causing dought and so on. I have over come that in the past by bulking uop and fighting like hell. So that has been my decision is to Fight like there is no tomorrow.
I am very proud of myself for getting off of some wicked drugs. I no longer take Vicoden, liquid oxy, xanax, cymbalta, amytriptoline and some horrible lung meds. I have started my weaning off of Lyrica as well. Once I lose some weight I hope to be off of the insuline as well. Then the Blood Pressure meds and colesterol med. I will more likely always be on the tyroid med but who knows. I h ave to lose weight so I can have the brain surgery that will hopefully stop the progression of my nerve damage and give my brain stem a brak. The weight will help the recovery and prognosis of surgery success. As well as making me healthy sexy LOL... ya see I have not lost m y humor in all of these darned tears Uggh!!!! I am very thankful to have my children and Mark here for me. I amvery blessed to have soooo many friends all over the world that is always there to tell me they love me.
Today I start the shakes. I will edit this to show my numbers. I am using Almond unsweetened milk for my shakes. I will add some recipies in here as I try them out. Now I need to go water my flowers with water not tears. The Butterflies and Hummingbirds need a drink too. it is going to be a beautiful day!!!!! Just because I say so!
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